Right around the year 2000, I woke abruptly. I dreamed I was sitting in the office of my District Superintendent Jerry Gray. He was the denominational official tasked with moving pastors from one church to another.
Very clearly in that dream, he looked me in the eye and said, “Mark, I am moving you to McKean United Methodist Church.”
So stark was the dream that I woke up with my heart pounding. It seemed so very real. But once I had a good grasp on reality, I simply brushed it off and tried with difficulty to get back to sleep.
That afternoon, I opened my email to find a group message from the pastor of McKean United Methodist Church! To everyone’s surprise, she was taking early retirement and moving east. Incredible!
I didn’t tell anyone. Not even sure if I told my wife Lauri!
My experience has taught me that every time God provides crystal clear guidance, it is a sign that the road ahead is going to be rough. So I prepared. And each decision in my local ministry those next few months was made in light of a pending move.
And yet, that move never took place. Hm. What do I make of that?
No doubt you’ve had counselees or parishioners approach you with vivid dreams which have disturbed their sleep. And if they are wrestling with sexual temptations, what might those dreams be saying?
With the help of my spiritual director, I’ve found three ways to understand those nighttime narratives.
The first question often is, Could God be speaking to us through our dreams? Possibly. There are certainly biblical examples of this. But with the exception of Joseph and Daniel in the Old Testament, most who received dreams from God were either hardhearted or hardheaded: Abimelech, Jacob, Pharaoh, and Nebuchadnezzar. Of course there are the dreams we remember at Christmas time for Joseph and the wisemen, but those were certainly special circumstances of great import. So in these instances, God could best speak to them when the guard of their conscious mind was laid aside and their subconscious was fully accessible.
Sure, you can purchase books to help you interpret what God is saying to you through your dreams. But I believe he is far more likely to speak to us through the nudges and visions which come from the Holy Spirit. And so if someone has a sexual dream about a person they’ve had their eye on, I do in any way suggest it is from God.
Secondly, and most commonly, dreams are simply a means for our emotions to get processed. Feelings come out to play at night, and the crazy images are not meant to be interpreted.
Sometimes, however, as these feelings romp about the playground, they can be clues as to where we need God’s healing grace. Clear and disturbing dreams can occasionally be signals that there is an issue deep within to deal with.
At least twice I’ve had intense dreams directly related to unresolved things from my past. In one case, it revealed a matter about which I had never forgiven myself. And so that very same morning, with the images and feelings still so very fresh, I went to prayer, laying the issue before the Lord and asking for his grace to bring healing. He met me significantly and the issue was laid to rest.
One last thought. Vivid dreams often represent some of our deepest desires and longings. It takes some discernment, and probably some help from an experienced spiritual director, but dreams can at times help us discover the deepest longings within us.
This is how I would “interpret” wet dreams. They are not cause for alarm. At their root, I believe, they simply represent a young man’s longing for oneness with another. This would be true for any intensely sexual dream, regardless of gender.
And yet those sexual feelings can cling to us throughout the day, so a simple prayer to dust yourself off would be in order. Here is the prayer I’ve included in Pure Hearted: Banding Together for Sexual Wholeness:
We ask your forgiveness, redeeming Lord, for those moments in the night when our hearts were unguarded and wandered into forbidden zones. And we confess the sordidness of impure dreams. Cleanse us for the day before us. Open our hearts to receive your truth from the Scriptures. We commit ourselves to your keeping for this day. In Jesus’s name, amen.
And so as the abused and addicted come to you with dreams, the issue is likely not what God is saying to them, but what God wants to do with the feelings and desires expressed in those vivid images.
I agree that wet dreams, or any sexual dream, should not be a cause of guilt and shame. And dusting off sounds reasonable. Pregnancy hormones and thyroid meds can cause very vivid dreams as well. So, there are moments when dreams matter, as you indicated, and other moments when they are just a compilation of what's on your mind already.