Note this insight from theologian and martyr Dietrich Bonhoeffer:
“The pursuit of purity is not about the suppression of lust, but about the reorientation of one’s life to a larger goal.”
This rings true in so many ways when it comes to sexual brokenness of all types. But consider its application to addiction.
Getting free can be maddening. Driven by unmet needs and/or unresolved pain, aided by internet accessibility, cheered on by the “you deserve this” messages from the world, and energized by an evil spiritual realm . . . freedom can seem hopelessly impossible.
The most common form of bondage is porn. But with apps that can literally bring sex to your door, other forms seem to be increasing as well.
Whether one works a Twelve Step program or another approach, I have found these four elements to be necessary for the journey. Including each one helps to reorient your life to God’s larger goal.
· Intimacy with God
· Intimacy with Others
· Basic Understanding of Sexual Brokenness
· Effective Prayer Practices
All of these are put into play in my new book Pure Hearted: Banding Together for Sexual Wholeness. Here’s a brief summary.
Intimacy with God
One of my counselees stated that in the past his greatest stretch of freedom came when he was using a devotional practice called the Divine Office. Meaningful connection is always the goal of time with God, but the Divine Office provides structure and direction.
And so in Pure Hearted I’ve included an appendix with a Divine Office geared toward sexual issues which corresponds with the content of the chapters.
Patrick Carnes, the sexual addiction guru I so often quote, states that one never gets free from a serious sexual addiction without connecting with God. Sadly, he believes church will hinder that pursuit more than help, so he points people toward Twelve Step groups. (Ouch!)
But using this book with a few other believers will move you toward a serious connection with Jesus Christ. Which leads me to . . .
Intimacy with Others
So much could be said at this point, but simply know that you can’t go it alone. Having a band of sisters or brothers to journey with you is a must in many ways. This book will provide structure for connecting weekly, if not daily, to cheer each other forward into deeper grace.
Basic Understanding of Sexual Brokenness
The dynamics of sexual addiction, a blueprint of God’s design, a perspective on contributing factors are all laid out in these thirteen chapters. Understanding these facets helps point the way toward freedom.
Effective Prayer Practices
In my one-on-one counseling, the introduction of prayer protocols which position a person in the healing presence of God is a transformational element. But some of these prayer practices are simple enough not to require a trained counselor. As a band of sisters or brothers, you can learn to pray these prayers with each other. And, when the thirteen weeks are over, you will find yourself equipped to pray with others.
Thirteen weeks, three months, ninety days . . .
Part of the strategy is remaining clean from the behavior for ninety days. Those acquainted with recovery literature will know that your body and brain reach a new plateau in your ability to resist if you can stay free for three months. And so you and the band pledge to pray for and pull for one another to reach that thirteen week goal.
Here’s the final pitch . . .
Reorienting our lives to a larger goal is certainly what Jesus meant in the Sermon on the Mount. He taught his impoverished followers to seek above all else God’s kingdom and his righteousness, and then “all these things” (food, clothing, drink) would be theirs as well. The approach described above is a multifaceted pathway toward reorienting this area of your life to God’s larger kingdom goals.
Sexual addiction may not be your thing. But I bet you know of someone who might find this book helpful. Share this link with them so they can check it out for themselves!
Paid Subscription Update
This week the first article on the Paid Subscription track will be about an effective way to pray to help sexual addicts find freedom from the images that have taken root in their minds.
The first twenty to sign up for Paid Subscriptions will receive a free copy of Pure Hearted: Banding Together for Sexual Wholeness.