Resolutions or Emancipation?
Resolving to get free of porn in 2025
“By God’s grace, this year I am going to _______________.” So what went into that blank? (Lose weight; exercise more; read through the entire Bible; budget my money; abstain from porn; read more of Mark Ongley’s stuff?)
Ah! If you landed on the last two, I have just the ticket. Make this year the year of getting free from the clutches of porn addiction. To do that, purchase a few copies of Pure Hearted: Banding Together for Sexual Wholeness.
Why more than one copy? Because this is an effort that requires banding together with a few other like-minded people who want to be free. The truth is, we need at least three elements to emancipate us from slavery to this mind twisting addiction.
First, we need God’s help. Even Patrick Carnes, the leading authority on sexual addiction, insists on this. He writes,
The irony of this is . . . healthy, successful sex and a well-developed spiritual life are inextricably linked.[i]
Sadly, he does not recommend the average church to connect people with God. He thinks churches have actually contributed to this addiction by their legalism, judgmentalism, and silence on most matters of sexuality. Instead, he directs people to Twelve Step Programs.
What an indictment of the Church!
Therefore, integral to Pure Hearted is connecting deeply with God. For those with a lackluster devotional life, an appendix provides a “Divine Office for Sexual Strugglers.” There one finds creeds which affirm a biblical theology of sexuality, prayers, and a detailed reading plan through key passages related to the themes of the book.
Carnes also recommends Twelve Step Programs because we need other people to walk with us. That leads us to the next element . . .
We need connection with others. Not only will friends hear us out as we confess our sins, but they will pray for us and be there for us in the moment of temptation. Simply being free to honestly share one’s struggles is healing and affirming. But the loving accountability of a band of sisters or brothers helps us move forward with greater strength.
In fact, if we can reach 90 days clean from an addictive behavior, our brains find a new ability to resist that behavior. This book has 13 lessons, just enough to glue a band together for the goal of 90 days.
But true freedom will not simply be found by leaning into others and gritting our teeth. We also need to resolve deeper issues. And so Pure Hearted teaches prayer keys every week which begin to unlock the chains of the past. In fact, my YouTube channel has further explanations and demonstrations of how to pray through these prayer keys.
This book is not foolproof. You have to be willing to face your pain—both the pain of withdrawal and the pain of unaddressed wounds from your past. You also might need to couple this group approach with solid counseling as well. And if you need help finding someone, I can refer you to other Tsunami Surfers with the tools to find healing for root issues.
Addiction to porn is diabolical. It ruins our sexual responsiveness to spouses and models a very distorted and demonic view of sexual intimacy. Make this the year of finally disentangling from this wretched behavior.
Already free of this madness? Is God calling you to bring together a band of others who could benefit from your experience? Truly, one good and honest way to stay clean from an addiction is by helping others find that same emancipation.
Prayerfully consider bringing together a band. Approach your pastor concerning the best way to recruit people from your congregation. As I’ve said so often, take the plunge and rescue those caught up in the Sexual Tsunami!
[i] Patrick Carnes, Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred (Center City, MN: Hazeldon Press, 1997) Loc 376.
Mark, you write: "Sadly, he [Patrick Carnes] does not recommend the average church to connect people with God. He thinks churches have actually contributed to this addiction by their legalism, judgmentalism, and silence on most matters of sexuality. Instead, he directs people to Twelve Step Programs.
What an indictment of the Church!
Therefore, integral to Pure Hearted is connecting deeply with God." To healthily address this "indictment" requires train loads of maturity. On one hand it was/is the church that brought us the good news of salvation, it is the church that has provided us a "womb" for growing up in Christ and it is the church that God has chosen to use for His glory in the world. On the other hand the church seems to be self-satisfied, ingrown, and pharisaical, all of which hardens the heart to serious inspection and from an even more serious impact of being salt, light and truth beyond its own walls. To address this tension, Mark, requires YOUR kind of mature, prophetic discernment and solid grounding of "ones self" in Christ!!! In the new year shall I go from church to church, from pastor to pastor (or leader) and bring up the issue, kindly, but firmly? Shall I stand in the street, hand out flyers about this issue to anyone who will stop and talk? Maybe they will call me later to embarrassingly reveal their guts. People, REAL people have these secret undealt with smoldering issues in their lives which are mostly denied until the pressure builds and explodes in overtly dysfunctional behavior while we stand by and say platitudes like, "He/She was a good person." Prayer: "Lord, grant me/us the grace in 2025 to stand 'in the gap' and be a prophetic voice in the wilderness of our current society, preparing and announcing the way of the Lord to those who hearing will not hear, and seeing will not see. Yet for the sake of the few who are longing for 'something else' may I be willing to take the risk, endure the misunderstanding and even outright rejection of both personal and/or institutional power structures . . . . all for the sake of the Voice that is always calling, the mercy, grace, and peace that is always forgiving, and the Spirit that is always moving hearts and minds toward brother Christ and Father God. Lord, help me to live this prayer because I am feeling weakness and cowardice . . . . Help me to break this sound barrier. In the name and strength of the Risen and Ruling Christ. Amen."