Singleness and God's Purposes

Why the Church needs singles!

Last week I posted some thoughts about singleness and intimacy, especially as related to God’s observation that it was not good for Adam to be alone. Far more than simply being a statement on the loneliness of solitude, it was not good because Adam by himself fell so far short of fulling God’s purposes. He needed Eve.

So are singles destined to not fulfill God’s purpose for them? Uh . . .

Of course not! Right away you are thinking of Jesus and Paul whose singleness actually enabled them to more fully fulfill the Father’s purposes.

But one important point last week was that the marriage covenant of Adam and Eve, and every marriage since then has been an ongoing picture of God’s covenant with his people. The vow to “love and to cherish until death do us part” encapsulates the abiding love and commitment God has for his people.

But that does not mean that the single and celibate are not included. Not at all.

In a very unique way, by remaining celibate a single person points ever so clearly to the importance of the wedding in heaven. He or she is not only “saving themselves” for an earthly honeymoon. Their obedience to Christ is a testimony to the world that the honeymoon prepared for us in the next life is worth any cost.

Recall with me the answer Jesus gave to the “gotcha” question from the Sadducees about the resurrection. Jesus made clear that in the next life, the resurrected “neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Matt. 22:30 NRSV). The reason? Weddings were just an earthbound object lesson of the most stunning “destination wedding” of all.

This tells us all that earthly marriage is not the ultimate. It is simply a foreshadowing.

The subtitle today is “Why the Church needs singles.” Not so that they can be recruited to serve in the nursery or Sunday school. But the costly obedience of Christians who abstain from the sex should communicate to the local church that marriage is not the end all and be all. It is not our main purpose in life to “get hitched.” Our main purpose, married or not, is to honor the one who has hitched us!

Let’s return once again to Sam Allberry’s 7 Myths about Singleness. Here he is quoting from Glynn Harrison:

Single Christians who abstain from sex outside the marriage bond bear witness to the faithful nature of God‘s love with the same authority as those who have sex inside the marriage bond. ... Denying yourself can be just as potent a picture of a thing's goodness as helping yourself to it.... Both single and married people who abstain from sex outside the marriage bond point to the same thing. They both "deploy" their sexuality in ways that serve as a sign of the kingdom and the faithful character of God’s passion. (Italics his)

As Allberry so well words it, “If marriage shows us the shape of the gospel, singleness shows us its sufficiency.”

If you’ve been involved in church work to any degree, you likely know that singles feel like a fish out of water. Everyone else is swimming in family activities while the single person feels stranded on the beach, gills gasping for oxygen.

No program will solve this problem for singles. Even if they are included in the typical small group, they very likely shrink a bit as everyone shares their pics and videos of the little ones. And the typical church singles groups too often feel like the church’s alternative to dating apps.^[1]

What is required is a culture shift. That is no small task, of course. But Allberry rightly points to God’s intention for families to be socially inclusive. The New Testament especially has this theme woven throughout the gospels and the letters.

In Mark 3, Jesus made clear that his view of family was much broader:

And he replied, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” And looking at those who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.” (Mark 3:32-35 NRSV)

When the rich young man was unwilling to leave his possessions to follow Jesus, he makes the statement about camels squeezing through the eye of a needle. Peter gasps with, “Then who can be saved?” Later he states, “Look, we have left everything and followed you” (Mark 10:28 NRSV). And you likely know the answer:

“. . . there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father for the sake of the good news, who will not received  a hundredfold now in this age—houses, brothers and sisters, mothers and children . . .” (Mark 10:29-30 NRSV)

The obvious answer is that the families of Christ-followers will include singles among their ranks.

Here’s a quick quiz:

• Do you have any family pictures on the wall that include single folks?

• Are there any singles who can show up on short notice for dinner?

• Any who have become your kids’ favorite “aunt” or “uncle”?

I would flunk that pop quiz also, but the questions help to highlight the kind of culture that is needed. No program that I know of can make that shift.

Do you have answers? The comments section will be open to everyone.

But again, the main point for both of these posts on singleness is that God’s creation of Eve was far more than matchmaking for a lonely garden dweller. It provided a partner in the fulfillment of God’s purposes, including the foreshadowing of the final Wedding Supper of the Lamb.

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^[1] OK, full disclosure. My wife and I first met in a large church’s singles Sunday school class! Soon we were the matchmaking project for a newly married couple who still attended the singles class. Forever thankful! But it kind of proves my point . . .