Teen Trans Ministry

Thoughts for Pastors and Counselors

In mid-May, I began a series of posts on the teen girl phenomenon outlined in Abigail Shrier’s Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters. Just as a reminder, this social trend is different than the typical gender dysphoria of the past. It has simply erupted since about 2012, is predominantly white middle-class girls, and has been fueled by excessive cell phone usage. 

Three weeks ago we considered how parents should guide their teens through this mess. Today, let’s consider those of us in ministry. How do we guide parishioners and counselees?

Just for perspective, keep in mind that despite the mob of activists who attempt to doxy, de-platform, cancel or otherwise silence caregivers into submission, there are well known psychiatrists, psychologists, and sexologists who have dared to speak out against the prevailing “affirmative therapy” for dysphoria. Unfortunately, they have paid the price.

Here’s what Shrier describes:

But they all believe gender dysphoria is, first and foremost, a psychopathology—a mental disorder to treat, not primarily an identity to celebrate. They all agree that the current epidemic of gender dysphoria among adolescent girls is atypical (some deny it meets the requirements for “gender dysphoria” at all). And they believe that “affirmative therapy” is either a terrible dereliction of duty or a political agenda disguised as help.

In the next post, I will describe in detail how the foremost authority on gender dysphoria had successfully treated those who struggled. But for now, what about we who minister to the families of these teen girls? The following are my thoughts.

Grieving

A few years back when a church had me speak to the congregation about navigating the sexual upheaval in our culture, one couple had traveled from an hour away to attend. They approached me afterwards for counsel and prayer. At the age of 29, their son announced to family and friends that he was transitioning to a woman. These two heartbroken parents who had known and loved him longer than anyone, were now being chided by their son and many others for not celebrating his great courage. Didn’t they realize, it was said, that they still have their child as a precious daughter?

“You are not being allowed to grieve,” I stated. “Your hopes and dreams for your son have suddenly died.”

With that, they both began to cry. After leading them in prayer to present their loss to God, I encouraged them to find ways to grieve in the days ahead. Their son will always need their love. No question. But they are allowed to feel what they feel, and to seek God’s healing.

Pastoral Support

Once parents feel permission to grieve their losses, they will undoubtedly be in need of ongoing support. The fear and tension in the home will be huge, especially if they are following Shrier’s guidelines for parents. Online sources give teens ways to manipulate parents and coerce doctors into allowing changes to their bodies. “We are now your true family,” they declare. With this kind of cheerleader squad feeding the kids, parents definitely need pastoral and peer support. 

As for supporting the teen, check in, as you see appropriate. Keep in mind that their dysphoria is part of a social contagion, so focus your prayers and care more on the stressors which have made them feel they don’t fit in with their gender peers. Our aim is not to campaign against an ideology, but to guide them through these treacherous waters.

Awareness

Informally, and perhaps even formally, make parents aware of this phenomenon. Not everything needs to be propounded from the pulpit.

In a recent Zoom session with paid subscribers, one participant described starting a book study with Shrier’s Irreversible Damage. Perhaps parents of teens could be invited to such a study.

Special speakers, of course, are always a draw. Having a forum for parents might also be the ticket. Perhaps there are other churches in your area who would appreciate knowing you are hosting such an event.

But keep in mind the importance of proactivity. Because teen girls are imbibing this trans ideology from the countless sources online, most parents aren’t even aware of their daughters’ decisions to transition until their minds are already made up. If your parishioners have adolescent girls, somehow inform them of this craze. Your church can find ways to create awareness. You can be sure your local school likely will not.

Counseling

For those of you who counsel, I will write a special post in the future when we consider genuine gender dysphoria which, until recently, was almost entirely limited to boys. But suffice it for now to say that there is an alternative to the “affirmative therapy” propounded aggressively among secular therapists. Before 2012, Shrier points out, “gender therapists practiced ‘watchful waiting’, a therapeutic process whose goal was to help a child grow more comfortable in his or her biological sex.” If a teen avoids puberty blockers and other procedures, over 70% of them will eventually grow out of the unwanted and stressful feelings of dysphoria.

“Watchful waiting” does not include the use of puberty blockers. There is physical harm that can result from the use of blockers. First, their dysphoria and sense of alienation increases as they see the teens around them going through the natural changes of puberty—it makes them feel even less like a girl. 

And secondly, nearly 100% of girls who go on blockers decide to move forward with other changes, including double mastectomies (aka “top surgery”). This is primarily because of the enormous pressure they feel from their online community. That group of trans fans have insisted that they are their new “family”, and so have become their most ardent supporters and fiercest defenders. But once one chooses to de-transition, there is intimidation and outrage that the young person would dare betray the movement and abandon their “true self”. And to some degree, having taken the risk of announcing their transition to friends, family and school personnel, they are a bit ashamed to be making a U-turn. 

Not only can puberty blockers contribute to heart and kidney problems, but the common practice of using binders to flatten their breasts can cause damage. Those who have changed their minds about transitioning are sometimes left with misshapen and flattened masses on their chests, even compromising their ability to nurse children.

Names and Pronouns

Whether as a counselor or a pastor, much wisdom is needed. What is your goal, first of all? Are you trying to teach and make a point? Or are you trying to build a bridge of trust? 

Check in with parents and coordinate with them. You don’t want to sabotage their efforts. In progressive states, schools are refusing to inform parents of name and pronoun changes. So don’t add to their sense of betrayal.

One of my counselees is an adult transitioning from male to female, and I have honored her desire to use feminine pronouns and her name of choice. From day one, she knew I was not in favor of transitioning, but accommodating to her preferences has created trust, and allowed us to connect on a deeper level. Will she ever detransition back to a man? I don’t know. Much more important to me is seeing her find healing and wholeness in Christ. And we’ve made progress in that direction. 

Shifting Tides and Under Toes

This tragic aspect of the sexual tsunami will no doubt evolve. Stay current. Keep learning. Lace all you do with ample love, and point firmly toward Jesus Christ.