Whether you are counseling a sexual addict or making a disciple of Jesus Christ, at some point you need to address masturbation.
Yeah, you knew what the “M” stood for because it is one very dangerous word in Christian circles. Understandably, it’s not to be whispered in a sanctuary. Stained glass has been known to crack with such utterances.
Quite seriously, the very mention of the word seems to trigger some folks.
And yet . . . when it comes to discipleship and matters of holy living, it is essential to address this topic. With sexual addicts, it is critical. And how you address this matter certainly depends on what you believe the scriptures teach on this very private matter.
Honest, God-honoring Christians have widely different opinions. A psych prof from a conservative Christian college told me he thought it was God’s gift to singles. Others have insisted that it is strictly forbidden for all Christians under all circumstances. Some on the conservative end of the spectrum are downright emphatic, and in discipling others would insist this is certainly a black and white issue.
But is it? The scriptures specifically address many matters of sexual behavior. Very specifically. Does it mention sex with animals? Yep, it’s in there. Sex with your sister? Yep, that made the list. Sex with your Aunt Matilda? Yep—not that you were tempted anyway. But it’s all very specific and clear in Leviticus and elsewhere.
But a reference to masturbation in Leviticus? Deuteronomy? 1 Corinthians? Nope, nope and nope.
Someone no doubt is wondering about Onan spilling his seed on the ground, but very few if any scholars insist it was about masturbation. (Genesis 38) It was simply a violation of the custom known as Levirate marriage, which later became a part of Jewish law (Deut. 25:5, 6). The sin was his stubborn and selfish refusal to honor the name and memory of his deceased brother by raising up offspring in his name. (See especially Gen. 38:9.) It was not that he masturbated and was unable to perform this duty, but that he would “exit” too early for her to conceive.
Probably the best argument I’ve heard has been from the Sermon on the Mount. Immediately following Jesus’ words about not looking at a woman for the purpose of lusting, one finds the hyperbole regarding taking a knife to one’s eye and one’s right hand (assuming, of course, most are right-handed). This, as you know, was advice that some in ancient times took quite literally.
But Mark also includes these cutting remarks when Jesus warned against being a stumbling block for children. (Mark 9:42-49) So it seems to me the hyperbole was not necessarily related to the sin of lust.
Take a Deep Breath
Now that you’ve exhaled, what are you feeling right now?
If you feel tweaked, triggered or angry, why is that? Seriously. Ask yourself why this topic upsets you so much. Ask the Holy Spirit what is under the surface. For if this truly is a topic that has no clear prohibition in scripture, why does it make you so edgy?
Couldn’t this be a “meat eating” issue? Couldn’t this be an issue about which sincere followers of Jesus Christ might simply differ? You know the eating issues Paul addresses to the Roman church, right?
Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. Romans 14:1-2 NIV
Here and in 1 Corinthians, Paul addresses these issues as “disputable matters”. Whether or not to eat food offered to idols, to avoid all meat entirely, or to go kosher whole hog—good Christians at that time had searched the scriptures, had weighed the significance of Jesus’ teachings, and came out with different conclusions.
Paul declared his own conviction. He knew where he stood. But he urged them to examine the scriptures as well and reach their own convictions. Convictions, however, are not the same as the moral law. They are not the same as timeless principles that are true in any context. Note his admonition:
I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. Romans 14:14 NIV
I am convinced that masturbation is a “disputable matter”. And I also know where I believe the lines are to be drawn. And for those I disciple or counsel, I present it as a matter for them to prayerfully weigh before the Lord, given the scriptures and the range of their personal vulnerabilities.
As you make disciples of Jesus Christ, or as you counsel and care for addicts, you will serve them best if you urge them to prayerfully consider where God wants them to draw the lines. If it seems appropriate, you can eventually tell them of your own convictions. But don’t forge your convictions into black and white principles which apply to all followers of Jesus Christ, and demand others follow in locked step.
Ugh! I forgot to mention! Don’t read this post out loud in a church sanctuary! And if you already have, check for cracks and breaks. Sorry!
Going Deeper
This is certainly a topic for further discussion and I am glad to share my convictions and the guidance I give to sexual addicts. But this is one of those subjects that can explode with comments. So, I will go deeper once we have the paid subscriptions. At that time, I will begin to address the thornier issues and open the gates for a flood of comments for good healthy discussion. And paid subscribers will also be made aware of some training events that I will be offering online.
For a Theology of Sexuality
My first book has four chapters which lay out a simple, robust theology of sexuality that follows the traditional themes of Creation, Fall, Redemption and Restoration. To purchase Into the Light, click here.
Another great resource is Dr. Timothy Tennent’s For the Body: Recovering a Theology of Gender, Sexuality, and the Body.