The Power of Centering Prayer

Taking the edge off of sexual addiction

Whether you are pastoring or counseling, ministry to sexual addicts is not a one-prayer-fits-all approach. Some have found the ancient practice of Centering Prayer to be profoundly helpful.

Buddy had been arrested for indecent exposure. He had been sitting in his pickup in a Walmart parking lot and masturbating. Even though he thought no one would see him, a passerby caught a glimpse, took his plate number and called it in. 

Later that afternoon, the police pulled up to his house. With his wife and children standing in the yard, Buddy was arrested and taken to the police station. It was the most harrowing and humiliating experience of his life. 

His pastor arranged for him to receive counseling with me and so I was soon sitting with him in my office. More than a simple addiction to porn and masturbation, Buddy had multiple instances of flirting with women, exchanging phone numbers, and sending them intimate pictures of himself to see how they would react.

Such behavior doesn’t come out of nowhere. Often the roots go back to some form of childhood abuse or perhaps attachment issues. And so we explored that history and began to pray for God’s healing of the past using my training and experience with Formational Prayer. 

But as we explored various forms of prayer to improve his walk with God, I explained to him the practice of Centering Prayer. This, more than anything else, was amazingly transformational.

One highly recommended book for dealing with sexual addiction is Surfing for God: Finding the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggleby Michael John Cusick. Writing from firsthand experience, Cusick does a masterful job of analyzing the inner dynamics which drive addiction. Toward the end of his book, he states that the one practice which he has found most helpful is this very matter of Centering Prayer.

In some ways, the current rage over mindfulness is similar to Centering Prayer. Instead of focusing your mind upon your senses, however, you simply focus upon the presence of God with you. Where can such prayer be found in scripture? Look no further than Psalm 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God.”

Thirty years ago, someone pointed me to Brother Lawrence and his classic Practicing the Presence of God.Tried it for about a week and then gave up. The reason? I was trying to feel the presence of God while going about the day. It was impossible. It wasn’t until my 50’s that I realized that feeling his presence wasn’t the goal. It was to simply cultivate an awareness of his being present with you throughout the day. 

And in that way, Centering Prayer is simply an intense form of practicing God’s presence. It is not trying to sense that he is present. Nor are there words to be spoken in praise or thanksgiving. It is but a simple recognition that our omnipresent God is right in front of us. I like to frame it this way: “He is as close as your very breath.”

The very maddening tendency, of course, is the wandering of the mind. This can make meditating upon the Lord’s presence so very frustrating. Daily tasks; emails that are pending; calls to be returned, etc. The standard remedy, however, is to have a key word or phrase to re-center ourselves. And so when one’s mind slips off to the latest errand, the unpaid bill, or whatever, one simply says something like, “Be still.” My favorite is to simply repeat the name “Jesus”. 

When I introduce this in a counseling session, I begin with a five minute attempt. For some that will seem like an eternity—especially if they lean toward ADD! But I encourage them to try doing it daily.

Many years ago, I had a spiritual director identify my compulsion to push myself as a way of earning God’s favor. And so she directed me to lie under a blanket 30 minutes a day five days a week for five weeks. I was to do nothing but think about God being with me under the blanket. Ugh!

I quickly objected, saying, “Hey, but we are entering Lent, and I’ve already set an aggressive goal for reading scripture!” Then I winced, realizing I was proving her point about pushing myself too much. 

She went on: “No, forget about that goal. Don’t read any scripture for the next five weeks! Just lie under the blanket and think about God.”

So I did. For a workaholic like me, it seemed pointless. Some days I simply fell asleep. If I stayed awake, my mind ran off to so many different issues. Then I would end by throwing off the blanket and thinking, “This is a waste of time!”

At our next scheduled meeting, she prodded me with questions. Within a few minutes, I began to realize that I had changed! There’d been a shift within me as I positioned myself before the Lord. Even though my mind was hopelessly scattered or my body fast asleep, God was at work healing something deep within me. Incredible.

Cusick recommends building up to 20 minutes a day. That routine keeps his addictive behaviors at bay. One can also benefit from a devotional book he recommends: Forty Days to a Closer Walk with God: The Practice of Centering Prayerby J. David Muyskens. I can vouch for it as a helpful tool. It includes a devotional tied to scripture for each day one prays.

Years ago, I began counseling someone online. Because of the nature of her sexual addiction, she was highly vulnerable to harassment and taunting from evil spirits. As I led her in 12 minutes of Centering Prayer, the spirits began again to taunt her. I was able to quickly silence them, but it served as an indicator that basking in the presence of God agitates the evil one. 

So what about Buddy? As I mentioned above, adopting this as a daily practice was absolutely transformational. Instead of watching TV before bedtime, he would spend 20-30 minutes in God’s presence. The lure of sexual addiction dialed way down, and his behavior around the home improved noticeably. In fact, his wife could tell if he was slacking. “Hey, are you still doing that centering thing? ‘Cause it seems like you are going back to your old ways!”

Again, there is not a once-size-fits-all approach to prayer ministry with sexual addicts. But urging the practice of Centering Prayer and recommending the above resources might bring deep transformation where other modalities have fallen short.

Looking ahead . . .

In the next month or so, I will be posting a closer look at helping sexual addicts develop their convictions about masturbation. We will also look at navigating cancel culture on sexual matters. But to access those particular posts and to leave comments, you will need to subscribe. This helps weed out the trolls who want to create disruption instead of engage in discussion.

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