We all know God can do anything and heal anyone. But even in ministry, doubt can slowly creep in with unanswered prayers or disappointing “results”.
For me, God used two women to significantly raise the bar on my expectations. Perhaps this will encourage you as well.
Karen
In 2001 I took my first Doctor of Ministry course where I began to learn Formational Prayer. Over the next six months, God began leading sexual abuse victims to my door—literally! (The following is a story adapted from Into the Light: Healing Sexuality in Today’s Church.)
It all began with a rather bizarre phone call:
“Is this Pastor Mark Ongley?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Do you counsel homosexuals?”
“Uh, I can.”
“Well, I’m supposed to come to you for counseling, but I don’t want to!” she said angrily.
“Hm, OK.”
That very day God had spoken to her as she drove to work: “Donnie Blystone is going to talk with you and you need to do what he says.” And sure enough, Donnie, who was lay leader of my church, approached her and said, “I know you are in a lesbian relationship, but I think you ought to get counseling from my pastor. He could help you.”
She was furious. She didn’t want help and certainly not from a pastor!
The first appointment she marched through my office door, planted her hand down on my desk, pointed her finger in my face, and demanded, “Why should I trust you?!” Whew! She plopped down in her chair and began to tell me how church people had so deeply hurt her because of her attraction to women. She finally had found an out-of-the-way church, worshiped faithfully and began to volunteer her time to do janitorial work. But her mopping was interrupted one day by the pastor who yelled, “Get out of this church and don’t you ever come back until you get your act together!” Deeply crushed, she exited and vowed she would never go to church again.
Later in the conversation, wanting me to know about the nature of her relationship with her lover, she snapped at me once again: “And I want you to know that it’s not about sex!”
Pausing for a moment, I replied, “I don’t suppose it is. My guess is you simply want to be held in the arms of a woman and feel loved.”
With that her face flushed red, tears coursed down her cheeks, and she choked out the words, “That’s exactly it.”
Five different men had sexually abused her, beginning at the age of four. Having grown up in a family of eight children who all shared an overwhelmed and deeply dysfunctional mother, she lacked a proper sense of attachment. These factors fueled a revulsion of men and a longing for feminine touch. We followed the leading of the Spirit from session to session for nearly two years. Eventually, yes, the Holy Spirit convinced her she had to leave her partner, but not without first bringing healing to some of the torturous memories of sexual abuse. Separating from her partner was one of the most difficult things she had ever done—the bond was so tight.
Early on she made the remark, “If you think you’re going to convince me to marry some guy through all this counseling, you can forget it! The idea of being in bed with a man makes me want to puke!” I assured her my goal was only to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and cooperate with what I saw the Father doing in her life. But one day, to her surprise, she found herself enjoying the flirtation of a man at work. Eventually she married and has recently served in Africa as a short-term missionary.
Yes, quite a success story. And no, not everyone I counsel has that kind of success. For many the results of counseling have been far less dazzling. But God used that dear lady, I believe, to show me the greatness of his power in meeting us in this deeply broken world.
And now for the second story of restoration.
Jean (not her real name)
As many of you know, the church I pastor is a bit out of the norm. Pre-Covid, we averaged about 45-50 people, with probably 75% in recovery. The addictions varied. For many, it was alcohol. For others, sex, heroin, crack or a combo deal.
The first addicted person to give her life to Jesus when we began our church was Jean.
A mentally ill person in a soup kitchen told me he liked to help prostitutes get off of the streets and he had a young lady living in his apartment. “Would you be willing to come meet her?”
So I entered “Crazy John’s” home, found my way through the hoarded mess, and met an attractive 29 year old. The clutter meant we had to find space on the floor to sit, talk and pray. I encouraged her to come to our Sunday evening recovery worship service. To my surprise, she did!
She had about one month clean from heroin. Selling herself was simply her way to buy more drugs. She became a regular at our church and the “normal” people loved on her. She was amazed.
She eventually relapsed again and, out of shame, stayed away for about five months. Thankfully, she was arrested, restarted her recovery in jail, and eventually came back. That first Sunday after worship began, I noticed she had stepped outside, so I followed her. Seriously straining at a cigarette and wiping away tears, her first words were, “I should have come back sooner! You showered love on me. There was no shame!”
She has not relapsed since—I’m guessing nine years clean.
She married a man who also was in recovery and attending our church. They have had two kids of their own and she was able to go through the courts to get her teenage daughter back. Eventually they bought a house and settled in.
Two years ago, they moved away. But she’s been employed as a recovery specialist, helping others find the Path. And her family is very involved in their local church.
Wow! Great story, right?
Watching Jesus change her life so dramatically set the bar pretty high. And for eight years now, I’ve not seen anyone else recover so amazingly by the grace of God.
The Point
Jean was the first heroin addict I counseled. Karen was the first lesbian. Looking back, it seems to me God brought such dramatic transformation and freedom because he loved them . . . and to teach me not to put limits on what God can do.
God helped me to see that he can do anything. Anything!
Can God heal those who’ve been sexually abused? Yes. Those addicted to drugs? Yes. And those attracted to the same sex? Yes.
Transformation seems much more elusive for most than for Jean and Karen. Whether it’s been same-sex attraction, some form of dysphoria, sexual addiction—most that I counsel make progress. Many have found enough healing to stay free of the behavior, even if the urges stare them in the face daily.
The cultural drumbeat goes on: People can’t change. People can’t change. People can’t change. Never forget that we can change. God can heal anything. But even if he doesn’t take the urges away entirely, he can bring enough healing for us to walk in victory.
Whether a pastor or a counselor, be encouraged!
I think, sometimes, it depends on certain circumstances how likely it is that a person will change when it comes to sexual orientation. I appreciate that you counseled Karen for her wounds instead of trying to push her to make a change. I didn't know that "Jean" had moved away, but I'm so glad to hear that she is doing so well. I love that girl!