"What If I Stumble? What If I Fall?"
Being a member of a band
We’ve had another surge of new subscribers, so just a quick reminder of our context. This blog is about helping people who struggle with sexual brokenness, and there a LOT of them: the sexually addicted, abused, and confused. Today’s topic is about the temptations which can beset us and the consequences of falling as we help others.
As you likely have heard, another prominent Christian has been caught in scandal. Michael Tait, formerly of DC Talk and more recently the Newsboys, has fallen. This is not a judgmental take nor an analysis of why such a person tumbles off the stage. It is simply a sobering message for those of us who work with the sexually broken. After all, anyone can fall.
Given our quickly changing tastes and trends, the music which nurtured us spiritually often dates us. For me it was Larry Norman and Keith Green—unfamiliar names for millennials and younger, but oh how they shaped and encouraged me!
As I have worked with youth over the past 30 years, I’ve often become fans of their Christian bands, including DC Talk. No matter what happens, I will always have the Jesus Freak album pounding in my head, including the well written and profound “What If I Stumble?”. Those lyrics describe the temptation of Christian music artists regarding the motives for their music. Note the tension between ministry and money in these words:
Is this one for the people?
Is this one for the Lord?
Or do I simply serenade
For things I must afford?
After an investigation of several years, undeniable evidence and testimony have come to light about Tait’s hidden struggles, not with money but with sex. Credible firsthand accounts give lurid details of how he used his star status and influence to seduce men in their early 20’s.
Yes, we so very much get caught up in celebrities. The thrill of being granted access to a famous person can easily dissolve our defenses. Performers with any self-awareness can sense this. Note those prophetic words again:
Holiness is calling
In the midst of courting fame
Cause I see the trust in their eyes
Though the sky is falling
They need Your love in their lives
Compromise is calling
Back to my point and purpose, whether you are famous or not, you gain power and influence over the addicted, abused, and confused as you seek to minister to them. Whether you are a pastor, counselor, or friend, you will eventually see “the trust in their eyes.” Yes, they need God’s love in their lives. But so often they can soak in our love and begin to transfer onto us, viewing us as the concerned dad, mom, or spouse their hearts have hungered for. That longing can become crazily powerful.
Their transference can be a channel for God to meet them through you in a deeply powerful way. If you have unmet needs of your own, however, compromise can begin to call. Watch out! If you begin to counter-transfer, seeing them as the son, daughter, or spouse you wished you had, you can be sucked in very quickly, soon swirling down the drain of dark desires.
Again, no judgment on Michael Tait. You and I likely cannot begin to imagine the horrendous struggle of being attracted to the same sex while also being a prominent fixture in Evangelical culture. Even though a member of a band, he may have felt there was no safe place to share his deepest struggles. That’s the ongoing pitfall of ministry in the Church which can’t discuss sex.
The lyrics of that song were a prayer to God, asking how he would react if they stumbled and fell. At one point, a chorus begins with . . .
I hear You whispering my name
(You say)
My love for You will never change
(Never change)
So absolutely true, right? Whether it is Tait, King David, Ravi Zacharias, Jimmy Swaggart, or any other leader, God’s love is steadfast and unchanging. No question. But there are always consequences which follow. Always.
With sad irony, “What If I Stumble” begins with someone reading a quote by Brennan Manning:
The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.
Note his carefully. To avoid your own fall, you need to be in a band! No, not the Newsboys, Mercy Me, etc. You need a band of brothers or sisters who know your darkest struggles and vulnerabilities.
Since 1996, I’ve always had at least one brother in Christ who has known all my junk. Yes, I’ve been severely tempted. If not for the guardrails of God’s grace and the prayers of those who knew me intimately, I would have skidded off the road and over a cliff.
This is a key pillar of my book Pure Hearted: Banding Together for Sexual Wholeness. Though it is written for those coming out of some form of sexual addiction, the main premise holds true for us all. We need a band who will have our backs, especially as we hit the beaches being pounded by the Sexual Tsunami.
Don’t procrastinate on this. A free download on the history behind spiritual bands and how to form one can be found at this link: https://discipleshipbands.com.
Wading through a comment section recently, I came across this quote from Sun Tzu, no doubt from his ancient book The Art of War.
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle. (Italics added.)
Know our Enemy. If you begin to minister to the sexually broken, you will come under attack. Be very much aware of his strategy. Someone’s transference and your unhealthy countertransference will be his ambush.
Know yourself as well. This is critical. Know your unmet needs and weaknesses. Prayerfully seek out a band of a few friends who can know your secrets and hold your feet to the fire. Risky? Yes. But take the risk! Keep seeking until God provides the right people!
I've been thinking about that song a lot lately, too. However, I don't think the Church's supposed inability to discuss sex is the biggest problem here. It's a contributing problem, sure. But just as problematic and relevant is the "good ol' boy" CCM industry structure that allowed Tait continued access to vulnerable younger men (and boys, and in one case a woman who was drugged and assaulted by one of his industry coworkers, while he watched) -- and then, instead of holding him accountable, continued to cover for him for decades. We're not looking at one man's "fall," we're looking at a pattern of premeditated predation on Tait's part, coupled with a system full of cowards and corrupt people unwilling to stick their necks out for the victims and cross the guy.
I hope his repentance is genuine, but I'm honestly not sure. He downplayed the severity and extent of his crimes -- which is what they were. True repentance must be accompanied by the willingness to be brutally honest about one's sins, to own them completely, and to accept the consequences -- even if those consequences include prison. Which, I'm afraid, is where this man belongs, repentant or not.
Great post, as always. I love how you can quote DC Talk, B. Maniing and Sun Tzu all in the same article, and casually mention Ravi Z. And Jimmy Swaggert as well.