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In writing about the Sexual Tsunami, I’ve wanted to provide good content that is well crafted. For a few weeks, however, my brain needs a sabbath. So the posts for the next few weeks will be good stuff I’ve written in the past.
Eighteen months ago, I plunged into the fascinating works of Oscar Wilde. His life struggles inspired me to write the following for Lesson 12 of Pure Hearted: Banding Together for Sexual Wholeness.
The Importance of Welcoming the Wilde
Those familiar with English literature will recognize the name Oscar Wilde. As a poet, playwright and promoter of the arts, he was a rising star among the well-to-do. The play “The Importance of Being Earnest” brought applause from the London elite, making him the J.J. Abrams of the late 1800’s.
And, he also had a reputation for sexual excess—a reputation he well deserved.
His life mirrored, to some degree, the Bible book of Ecclesiastes. Wealthy, attractive, flamboyant and brilliant, he withheld nothing from himself that might bring sensual pleasure. There were no limits to his excesses. Even though married and the father of two, he had numerous affairs, especially with young men, at a time when sodomy was a criminal offense.
One of his young lovers was extremely obsessed with Wilde. At first, the obsession was mutual, playing out in lengthy love letters, luxurious weekend flings, and expensive trips to Europe. When Wilde attempted to end the relationship, the young man’s obsession became maniacal. He stalked Wilde incessantly.
Eventually, however, the man’s father pressed sodomy charges against Wilde, providing the love letters in court as evidence. It was a scandal that shook the literary world. But more to the point, it turned Wilde’s world upside down.
During his two years in prison, he lost everything. His wife divorced him. Worse yet, the courts forbid Wilde contact with his two sons. His mother, the dearest person to him on earth, passed away, greatly distressed over the shame Wilde had brought upon the family. His considerable fortune was stripped away, including an extensive collection of famous paintings. And his most humiliating moment was being placed in stocks at the London train station where people laughed at him and mocked him.
While in the depths of anguish and despair, God met him powerfully in his prison cell. He secured a Greek New Testament, and began to meditate daily upon the life of Jesus. A radiance and exhilarating freedom began to take over his life. And immediately upon his release from prison, he sought spiritual help from the priests.
But because of the sodomy, they refused to help. They rejected him.
His friends stated that they never saw him weep so fiercely as when the church rejected him.
Windows of Grace & Truth
In his essay De Profundis, Wilde points to the anguish and deprivation of his jail cell as the “holy ground” upon which he met Jesus Christ. He who had been obsessed with literary and artistic beauty became enthralled with the beauty of Jesus. Wilde fell at the feet of this One who embraced the greatest suffering of all, thus making Calvary the holiest ground forall.
And yet for Wilde, the church, the bride of this same Jesus, proved ugly. And it may be that your local church isn’t much better looking.
Are you curious about the Latin title De Profundis? It means “out of the depths”, and is taken from the first four words of Psalm 130, a psalm of repentance. Like the psalmist, Wilde came out of the depths of the consequences of his sin and into the embrace of God.
You no doubt have endured your own holy ground. Whether it has been suffering in the prison cell of consequences, or the stress of staying clean for these ninety days, suffering can move us out of the depths and into God’s embrace.
Perhaps now is the point in your journey to look outward toward others who are experiencing their own holy ground. How desperately they need your church to be welcoming, kind, and nurturing. And yet, we’ve all experienced how ugly and judgmental the church can be, especially when it comes to sexual sin.
You and I can’t say that we love Jesus the Bridegroom if we despise the bride. In fact, you are part of the bride!And as one who has come out of your own depths, you can have a part in being the welcoming arms of the church for others.
Some of you have learned how to spot a person in a park, rest stop or elsewhere who is willing to “hook up”. There’s a certain look you notice. And, in fact, I know of addicts so deep in the jungle of addiction that evil spirits actually lead them to willing partners. Perhaps that was you.
But now it is time for you to use those same eyes to spot the troubled person who walks into your fellowship. And instead of being led by evil spirits, you can be led by the Holy Spirit to reach out to searching people who need freedom from sexual sin and a deeper connection with the Savior.
It may be someone who hides it well. Or perhaps you see the weariness of the Circus in the lines on their face. Whether your church is contemporary or traditional, high church or “low church”, you can become the welcoming arms for those walking out of their depths and through the doors of your church. Keep your eyes open.
Your church becomes a sanctuary also if people become comfortable talking in biblical ways about sexuality. The pastor needs to set the tone, so encourage her or him to address it often from the pulpit. People hear the world’s message about sex from just about every venue. Why not Sunday morning?
There are many resources available now for the savvy pastor or small group leader. Let me suggest my own book, Into the Light, which can be read privately or used in groups. And certainly, you could encourage the formation of other bands. In fact, if you were able to reach ninety days, lead a group yourself!
And finally, have some courage and find ways to share your testimony. Yes, it will be risky. There’s no question someone might take offense. But it can be done tastefully and well. Describe your own journey out of the depths and into God’s healing light.
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I find this history of Oscar Wilde to be fascinating and tragic. I have struggled often with the ugliness of the Bride, and my struggles are nothing compared to what LGBTQ community has suffered. I'm glad you are bringing this issue to the forefront.