Family Life Revisited

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Several times in the last year, I’ve heard appeals backed by stats regarding the detrimental effects of fatherlessness. That’s one of the common denominators among prison inmates and is often found among drug addicts. Dads simply weren’t involved in their lives.

The strongest presentation this spring was from a passionate pastor of inner city kids on Pittsburgh’s north side. It was a men’s conference with the usual line up of pro football stars and coaches, all sharing their testimonies, sandwiched in-between some sporting anecdotes. Fun stuff. But every speaker addressed the issue of fatherlessness.

The proposed solution was a program pairing fatherless kids with Christian men—a ministry whose worth has been proven with time.

Not the Cleavers, but the Puritans

As I continue to gather my thoughts for a new book on how parents can raise kids who are gender savvy and sexually informed with a biblical worldview, I’m thinking that an overhaul of family life might be in order. Not a return to the dinner table with Ward, June, Wally and the Beav, but to the day of the Puritans and early colonists.

Last month I posted an article regarding genuine masculinity versus the machismo that is flaunted in today’s culture. There I described some insights from Nancy R. Pearcey’s The Toxic War on Masculinity. She traces the evolution of family life among Christians over the last 400 years. Amidst the wars, tragedies, and the evolution of culture, the one thing which affected the family most was the Industrial Revolution.

Until that time, fathers were home and served a vital partnership with their wives in raising kids and making life happen. Whether they made ends meet through farming, selling handmade goods, or tending a store, the family worked together. Kids had chores as early as they were able. Wives typically labored with meals, clothing, crafting, and whatever else was required. Generally, fathers gave oversight to the spiritual life of the home; not just leading devotions, but teaching catechism thoroughly.

Roles changed dramatically when men worked away from the home in the harshly demanding and competitive world of industry.

Pearcey gives many examples from the time period of letters, diaries, and cards written by fathers, lamenting their absence from their children. Christian literature of the time decried the effect it was having upon the home, the culture, and the local church. Even though that revolution did much to increase income and opportunities for many, it introduced an ever deepening divide between the sacred and the secular, a divide which certainly impacted the family. Dads became the breadwinners, and moms became spiritual leaders. This was reflected in church involvement as well.

The demands and stresses of the Industrial Revolution also opened the door to the worst period of alcoholism in our nation’s history. Saloons were packed, brothels flourished, and home life went into crisis.

It was in this period of the 1800’s that many reform movements were birthed, most of them propelled by women who attempted to take the values of the home back into the culture. The pressing issues were largely related to the wayward activities of men. Perhaps the one which comes to mind most readily is the Women’s Temperance Union which sought to close down the saloons. But others organized to attack the burgeoning sex industry. And inspired by Harriet Beecher Stowe’s Uncle Tom’s Cabin, the bestselling novel of the 1800’s which depicted slave masters sexually abusing slave women as they threatened to sell their children, the ranks of the abolitionist movement swelled with enraged wives.

During that century, according to Pearcey, the characterization of men as “toxic” was firmly forged. Women were now the spiritual and moral leaders of the culture.

Turning back the clock . . .

Seems to me that since the 1980’s, the movements within the American Church to “focus on the family” have had in mind the 1950’s, where the family sat down for dinner, and one of the parents led in family devotions. Church attendance was integral as was firm discipline for the kids.

Retuning to the 1950’s ain’t gonna cut it today. Given the ideological influences of Tik Tok, Facebook, YouTube, and some public school systems, Ward and June are simply going to fall short. It truly seems a return to colonial times is needed.

Just as the early pioneers took risks in launching out into the wilderness to forge a new life, so also families of today are opting for drastic measures. In her book Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters, Abigail Shrier gives examples of the desperate options chosen by parents whose daughters came out as trans. Some moved to another state and did away with all internet access. One family sent their daughter to a special ranch for six months, allowing the isolation and sound programing untie the ideological knots which kept her bound.

Given those circumstances, many of us would take similar drastic measures to spare our kids.

An opportunity before us?

While few can afford to buy farms and take up a new life as pioneers, the pandemic has made it possible for many of us to work from home via the internet. Pearcey gives examples of some who have done just that. Even though it may mean less pay or fewer opportunities for advancement, moms and dads are choosing to stay put, stay home, and invest their time in building strong families. Home schooling, which has been steadily growing for decades, has become a burgeoning enterprise since Covid. And it seems there is some buzz among Christians for developing tighter knit communities via a variety of arrangements.

So what do you think? Are these times drastic enough for drastic measures?

• What changes have you or others made to adapt home life to the times?

• What difficulties do you see to making such drastic changes to home life?

• What extra support do you think single parent homes might need?

• How could churches help?