Over two years ago, I wrote an article about how two women experienced dramatic change as they submitted their lives to Jesus. Both were firsts for me. One was a practicing lesbian who became a pastor; the other was a heroin addict who now runs a recovery ministry. While being far from the norm, it was incredible to see God at work so powerfully in their lives.
There have been other exceptional firsts who experienced rapid turn arounds as well: a victim of incest and a same-sex attracted sexual addict. Not all have changed so quickly or dramatically, but God has used these “firsts” to show me that anything is possible as he leads hurting people our way.
The first trans person I’ve worked with has been another example. Though God is far from done, the changes in his life have been absolutely remarkable. We never would have gotten anywhere, however, if I had refused to use his preferred name and pronouns.
There continues to be debate over where to draw lines on pronouns and names. It is a good debate and likely will not be resolved any time soon. We can certainly look to Jesus’s example with the woman at the well. His approachability and interest astonished her as well as the disciples. But eventually he spoke truth as her sexual brokenness was placed on the table. Note that his knowledge of her serial marriages wasn’t the ice breaker. Far from it.
Timing is everything, in my view. When does one build a bridge? Or when do you declare truth plainly? This truly takes discernment.
Paul’s Distress
The Apostle Paul provides another example. He was on a layover of sorts, waiting for Silas and Timothy to join up with him in Athens. The very first thing it says about his arrival was that “he was deeply distressed to see that the city was full of idols” (Acts 17:16). Distressed?
He was a strict and zealous Pharisee before encountering Jesus. Pharisees were easily distressed. If they freaked out over a healed man carrying his mat on the Sabbath, just imagine their reaction to a city full of idols.
Distressed is different than disgusted, however. The very next verse says, “So he argued in the synagogue with the Jews and the devout persons and also in the marketplace . . .” He went into action. Note that he didn’t launch a campaign against idolatry. He preached Jesus.
When invited to the Aereopagus (Mars Hill) to address the cultural elites, he very clearly preached about the truth of Jesus. But notice his approach. He begins by affirming their spiritual intent.
“Athenians, I see how extremely spiritual you are in every way. For as I went through the city and looked carefully at the objects of your worship, I found among them an altar with the inscription, ‘To an unknown god.’ What therefore you worship as unknown, this I proclaim to you. (17:22b, 23 NRSV)
After affirming their spiritual bent, he built a bridge to their hearts by speaking of the one God who created all things, who cannot be confined to stuffy handmade shrines or statues.
Taking it one step further, he quoted from two well-known poets:
For ‘In him we live and move and have our being’; as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we, too, are his offspring.’
Take note of the pronouns. The “him” and “his” referred not to Yahweh or Jesus, but to Zeus! But again, he was building a bridge.
He also appealed to their own inner longings for a relationship with the divine. After describing the sovereignty of God in creating people and setting up the boundaries where they would live, he states, “. . . so that they would search for God and perhaps fumble about for him and find him—though indeed he is not far from each one of us” (Acts 17:27 NRSVue).
Was this all heartwarming mush with no core truths? Was he cowardly, trying to avoid offending these idol toting intellectuals? Hardly. Instead he was building a bridge to these who were fumbling about for the one true God—this unknown God.
Our Own Distress
If you’ve watched drag queens interacting with little children either in a school or at a library, you might have been both distressed and disgusted—distressed for the sake of the kids, no doubt, and disgusted by the flaunting of outrageous antics.
Distress springs forth from compassion. Disgust can reek of judgmentalism.
When I first walked into Wendy’s to meet this young man who was dressed like a woman, I felt zero disgust and a lot of concern. His mother offered to pay for counseling sessions if he was willing to meet with me. So my intent was to simply build a bridge. Humility, warmth, and a tad bit of self-deprecating humor served well to begin a relationship.
While working on a Frosty, I explained my approach in counseling, scribbling a few notes on a napkin. Instead of mentioning gender dysphoria, I referred to the brokenness we all share which is fueled by the lies in our hearts and the wounds of our past. Yes, I did say that spirituality would be part of the process, including my use of prayer, but my demeanor communicated warmth and concern. After all, he wasn’t just gender dysphoric. He was living in a house that served up crystal meth.
Can we be too slow to deliver the truth? Of course. Some postpone the truth so long that trans people feel betrayed by a bait and switch. Others have boldly led with the truth without winning hearts and earning trust. Each Tsunami Surfer must carefully discern the proper approach.
The swift changes in our culture can at times disgust us. When the demonic craze captures the hearts and the minds of those we love, it can become especially distressing.
No matter your reaction—disgust, distress, or disillusionment—we must keep ever before us this truth: At their God-shaped core, the gender confused are fumbling about, looking for a resurrected Savior, whether they realize it or not.
More on bridge building and truth telling in next week’s article.
I agree that we should be willing to use a person's preferred pronouns because not doing so just shows a lack of respect. I never realized that thing about the pronouns referring to Zeus. That's fascinating. We do have to build those bridges, for sure.
Thank you for this compassionate, well thought out and Biblical response to a very complex issue.