First off, my apologies for a delay in posting this article. A family funeral has taken priority and I’m currently in the Hoosier state.
If you have my book Into the Light: Healing Sexuality in Today’s Church, you may have read the chapter “The Elephant and the Scapegoat.” There I depict the state of affairs in most North American churches regarding sexual issues. In the ‘90’s and the early 2000’s, the Scapegoat was the gay community. Much time, effort, energy, and ink was given to decrying the advancement of gay ideology and same-sex marriage, so much so that unchurched Millennials viewed church folks as gay-haters. That was the number one reason Millennials gave for not attending church.
The Elephant in the room? It has long been our reluctance to address sexual matters in general, but especially the sexual brokenness that exists every Sunday in the pews.
Since the Supreme Court ruled in Obergefell vs. Hodges, there’s been a general resignation to the lostness of that cause and, in some corners of the church, a growing acceptance of same-sex marriage itself along with the assumption that orientation is simply innate.
Now perhaps a new shift is occurring. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below, but I believe we are taking on a new scapegoat: transgender ideology.
Make no mistake. We need to be aware and equipped. October 30th at 7:00 pm Eastern, I will be offering an online seminar to address this very issue.1
But have we begun to lurch toward the trans issue instead of teaching and preaching about the Elephant? Why not do both?
Let us not make this mistake again! It is time to assault the big, gray beast that freely roams through our church corridors, daring anyone to confront it!
If you are part of a local church, and I hope that you are, what influence do you have to initiate teaching about God’s design for sexual brokenness? Yes, poking the beast may get the dust flying, but the time is now!
I pastored for over 35 years. I understand the difficulty of addressing controversial topics. While serving as an assistant in a large church, I asked permission to address homosexuality from the pulpit. The senior pastor’s question was, “Why?” He’d worked tirelessly to see his church double in size and had just conducted an enormous building program. Why raise a controversial topic which might scare people away? He conceded as long as it was in the Sunday evening service.
While pastoring years later, I addressed sexual topics with some trepidation. I simply assumed that some elderly lady in my country parish would file a complaint. That was certainly not the case, however. The feedback from all age groups was overwhelmingly favorable. “Finally, someone is talking about this!”
But complaints have come. To my surprise, the first one was from a teenage girl. The topic had simply been God’s good design for our sexuality. Others have raised a fuss as well. But from what I’ve observed, those who complained were carrying some pain from the past.
Oddly enough, a former Hell’s Angels biker in my last church would get furious. “Church is NO PLACE to be talking about that stuff!” And so I told him and a few others that I would let them know ahead of time so they could skip those Sundays. But I was not going to stop poking the elephant.
Another mistake that we as pastors make is to think, “Hey, I gave a sermon about that in 2019, so I think they’ve got it!” Really? Come on. Let’s be honest. We don’t even remember what we preach about. How can we expect one sermon to make a dent on a topic like this?
The better approach is to weave teaching in and out of our sermons on a regular basis. When preaching on sin, specifically mention porn, emotional adultery, use of porn in marriage, and matters of abuse. Purposely use sermon illustrations that include sexual content. Shift the culture of your local congregation where it becomes commonplace to talk about sexuality in biblical and balanced ways.
Teach on those oft neglected passages like Samson’s women other than Delilah; the incest in David’s family; or selected verses from Proverbs 5-7. Address our fleshly denial of sexual sin. Just because wedding rings are worn doesn’t mean there isn’t sexual idolatry in the house.
Sometimes special studies are offered in congregational life, either on a hot topic or on a particular book of the Bible. Why not find a book made for group study? Yes, I’m of course going to recommend Into the Light which has a DVD for use in groups along with a free leader’s guide. But Rethinking Sexuality by Dr. Juli Slattery, which I’ve described in other articles, is twelve chapters long with discussion questions. It is excellent! Likely there are others that would fit the bill.
If the pastor says, “Yeah, we’re not quite ready for that yet,” ask him or her, “Why?” Be persistent. Certainly your local shepherd has the final say, but let her or him know the urgency for clear teaching. The times call for it.
We can talk and write forever about the sad circumstances swirling about the culture. But we truly do need to climb up the trunk of that menacing monster and give it a good whack. We can no longer ignore the Elephant in our churches. We must equip ourselves and the next generation with a clear understanding of God’s design for our sexuality.
To register for this Zoom seminar, simply email me at ongley01@icloud.com. This is free for paid subscribers and $20.00 for all others. Zoom links will be sent closer to the event.