I agree that the way to wholeness likely has a lot of ups and downs. It may not go over well with the wife initially, but I think we all have to come to a place where we acknowledge our own monkeys. She may think her porn-watching hubby is the only one who has a monkey. As I get older, I realize that we're all in the same boat, and we have to handle each other with extreme grace. Another challenge is to convince the porn-watcher that it presents an unrealistic picture of sex. For a generation of people who have grown up on the internet, they rarely see porn as distorted. One of the benefits to Formational Prayer is that it gets down to those wounds and lies that drive our behavior. I can't speak for men, but I sense that in a lot of relationships, the fact that a guy watches porn may not mean what his wife thinks it means. (He doesn't love me. He doesn't find me attractive. He's given up on this marriage.) I think that jumping to those conclusions is probably not helpful.
Love your thoughts on this, especially about how cell phones have almost "normalized" or at least de-stigmatized porn usage. I have seen that a lot among men at my church. But how does a woman NOT take it personally or feel that she is no longer attractive. Seems that is not only a cultural expectation but deeply wired within relational dynamics. Thoughts?
Yeah, I mean, it is hard not to take it personally. My thought, though, is that women may think there is a deeper thought process going on than there is. I think for the women who watch porn, that deeper process is usually at play. So, their assumption is that men think the same way they do. But deeper meaning or not, it's no good for relationships. I've seen a lot of young men who are too lazy to be in a relationship because they get "what they need" from porn, thus avoiding all the pitfalls and potential rejection of real relationships. And avoiding what they really need which is community. It's a sad thing.
I agree that the way to wholeness likely has a lot of ups and downs. It may not go over well with the wife initially, but I think we all have to come to a place where we acknowledge our own monkeys. She may think her porn-watching hubby is the only one who has a monkey. As I get older, I realize that we're all in the same boat, and we have to handle each other with extreme grace. Another challenge is to convince the porn-watcher that it presents an unrealistic picture of sex. For a generation of people who have grown up on the internet, they rarely see porn as distorted. One of the benefits to Formational Prayer is that it gets down to those wounds and lies that drive our behavior. I can't speak for men, but I sense that in a lot of relationships, the fact that a guy watches porn may not mean what his wife thinks it means. (He doesn't love me. He doesn't find me attractive. He's given up on this marriage.) I think that jumping to those conclusions is probably not helpful.
Love your thoughts on this, especially about how cell phones have almost "normalized" or at least de-stigmatized porn usage. I have seen that a lot among men at my church. But how does a woman NOT take it personally or feel that she is no longer attractive. Seems that is not only a cultural expectation but deeply wired within relational dynamics. Thoughts?
Yeah, I mean, it is hard not to take it personally. My thought, though, is that women may think there is a deeper thought process going on than there is. I think for the women who watch porn, that deeper process is usually at play. So, their assumption is that men think the same way they do. But deeper meaning or not, it's no good for relationships. I've seen a lot of young men who are too lazy to be in a relationship because they get "what they need" from porn, thus avoiding all the pitfalls and potential rejection of real relationships. And avoiding what they really need which is community. It's a sad thing.